


Keeping My Flame Alive

by EternalAuthor



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Engagement, Friendship/Love, M/M, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-22
Updated: 2017-09-22
Packaged: 2019-01-04 02:05:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12159393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EternalAuthor/pseuds/EternalAuthor
Summary: When you confess your love to someone and light comes out from both of your chests, then he/she is your soulmate.But life isn't just about soulmate and all that fluffy thing, isn't it?This is the story of how Yuuri Katsuki struggle to reach his passion and fight through his problems.





	Keeping My Flame Alive

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by a drawing from the talented, sidhedraws (Tumblr)
> 
> nb: the bold letters are time explanation and song lyrics.

Soft sound of steps were heard. A young woman turned right in time to catch a blurry ball of happiness, now bouncing happily on her lap.

“Mom! Mom! You promise to tell me about that soul mate thingie!” said the little boy, pulling at his mother’s sleeve.

The woman laughed at her son “Of course, dear. Come here” she said as she lifted her son and walked into the bedroom.

She put her son on the bed and gently tucked him so he could listen to his mother’s story comfortably. “So, what do you want to know first, Yuuri?”

“Everything!” the boy gave a small smile.

His mother nodded then she started her story “You know how Mom and Dad love each other very much?” the boy nodded “That’s what soul mate feels, Yuuri. Everyone has a soul mate”

The boy tilted his head, his eyebrow scrunched cutely “Then I have a soulmate too? Like Mom and Dad?”

“Yes, you have, dear. You just haven’t find them yet” answered his mother kindly.

“But how do I find them, Mom?”

The women eyes’ softened as her mind recalled the memory of meeting her husband. “When you or your soulmate say I love you to the destined one, you will feel light… and happy… Then there will be this beautiful light coming from there” she said, pointing at her son’s chest.

Yuuri looked down at his chest “Here? My chest?” asked the boy. His mother nodded.

The boy eyes’ sparkled in wonder “It must be beau- beau-“

“Beautiful, my dear”

“Yes beautiful” the boy smiled. He remembered the beautiful lights that he saw on Christmas tree. Surely his chest would looked even better with those lights. He had to find his soulmate soon.

The boy bounced on his bed slightly “Can I start looking for soulmate now?”

“Of course you can. But now you have to gather more energy, so let’s get a good night sleep first Yuuri” his mother said and kissed her son’s head.

Yuuri said good night to his mother and let his eyes closed obediently.

That night, Yuuri dreamt of dazzling Christmas lamps all over his body and a blurry figure.

 

*******

 

**_9 years later, First year High School_ **

It was the first day of school and Yuuri already felt like he wanted to run out of the building already. His brown eyes scanned the row of seats. He couldn’t stop shifting his weight from one foot to another.

 _‘Calm down Yuuri, calm down’_ he inhaled deeply that he almost choked then. His gaze stopped on a chair in the corner, second row from the back.

Yuuri quickly walked up to the empty seat. But before he could sit, someone bumped onto him.

“Oh my! I’m so sorry, really! Are you okay?”

Yuuri looked up to the owner of that frantic voice, only to find a blue eyes staring back at him. Then Yuuri’s gaze strayed to several strands of silver hair falling over one blue eye.

Before he realized it, his hand reached up to brush those strands away.

Thankfully, Yuuri snapped out of his trance and pulled back his hand as fast as he could. _‘Why did I do that!’_ he screamed internally. Oh how he wanted to slap his own face right now!

Just when Yuuri was about to scoot as far as he could from the blue eyes stranger, the stranger grabbed his hand tightly.

“Hey, you’re alright?” said the stranger, his face was getting closer by every second. Yuuri so sure that his own face was getting redder by every second too.

In his nervousness, Yuuri couldn’t hold back his scream “I’m alright!!”

Accidentally he pushed the stranger hard, and the stranger ended up bumping to a table behind him. And Yuuri’s panic came back full force.

“Oh my god! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean too!!” blabbered Yuuri. He closed his eyes tightly _‘I’m going to have a hater now and the first day of school isn’t even over yet’_

 

While Yuuri expected a scolding or something akin to that, what he actually heard was a laugh. Yuuri’s opened his eyes slowly to find the stranger that he had clumsily bumped into, laughing his ass off. _‘Did he hit his head?’_

When his laughter finally died down to chuckle, the stranger noticed the odd look from Yuuri. “We’re so funny!”

Yuuri tilted his head “We are?”

“Yes, we are!”

Yuuri nodded in hesitation “… Okay then”

The stranger smiled and he extended his hand “I’m Victor, what’s your name?”

Yuuri stared at the extended hand like it was some kind of alien.

“Ahh, you don’t want to know me? I’m sorry if-“

Noticing that he had gave the wrong impression, Yuuri quickly shook the offered hand “N-no! I want to know you! I’m Yuuri!” he answered, a little too loud.

Victor gave another one of those dazzling smile “It’s nice to meet you, Yuuri!”

 

*******

 

It was just one of those days, when the first-year high school students had too much spare time on their hands.

Yuuri, Victor and two of their other friends, Phicit and Chris were chatting casually in a café near their school.

Yuuri had gotten to know Victor better in a few months since the first day of school and they were such close friends, it was hard to find them away from each other. Phichit who had known Yuuri since childhood, and Chris who also knew Victor from his middle school, had been automatically added to their little circle of friends.

They were just enjoying their time and talked about everything they could think of when a bored Chris asked a question.

“Do any of you have specific dream? Like an astronaut or something?”

Phichit was the first to respond “Yuuri always want to be a doctor since he was in elementary! Even our whole class knew about it! It’s like his ultimate dream!”

“Wow a doctor! What a divine dream you have there, Yuuri. It suits you though” said Chris as he gave a small applause.

Yuuri flushed red at the compliments “Thank you, Chris. But Phichit you should have answer with your own dream, not mine” he glared at Phichit who just waved his hand nonchalantly.

“But you even have that creepy skeleton map in your house! You’re so obsessed with the doctor thing that the first person I remembered when Chris asked, was you” whined Phichit.

 

Before Yuuri could scold his friend, Victor butted in “Yuuri! You want to be a doctor?”

Yuuri turned to Victor with a shy smile “…Yes, I do, Victor. Very much.” He answered softly.

That smile had always enthralled Victor.

But this time, there was another thing that pulled Victor in. It was the determination in Yuuri’s eyes. The strong will to reach his dreams.

Victor wanted to see more of that determination.

So he asked “Why do you want to be a doctor, Yuuri?”

And Yuuri proceeded to explain every little things of why he choose a doctor to be his dream.

“Phichit, what about you? What’s your dream?”

“Not sure yet. And you, Chris? And don’t tell me a stripper.”

The sounds of Phichit and Chris conversations were drowning in the back of Victor’s mind as Yuuri continued his explanations to Victor in a soft but excited voice.

The smile. Those brown eyes. And that dream of his. Victor found everything to be so Yuuri. So beautiful.

 

*******

 

**_Second year High School_ **

Yuuri entered his house with a sigh. Even though the second year had it tough, it would be even worse next year. But it didn’t matter really, because whatever obstacles he might face, Yuuri was going to fight for his dream.

“Mooomm!” Yuuri trudged up to the second floor.

A moment later, he heard his mother answered “In here, dear!”

Yuuri swiftly walked to the direction of the sound, which was his father’s study. He couldn’t wait to tell his mother about this good news. The papers that his teacher gave to him today was tightly grasped in his hands.

 

Yuuri entered his father’s study. However he was surprised to see his whole family there. His sister Mari, his adopted brother Yurio, Father and Mother. Well, that was good. It certainly would make it even easier for Yuuri to explain.

His mother smiled at him and tugged him to seat on a sofa. “We have something to tell you, Yuuri.”

Oh. Yuuri figured that his best news should come last. So he leaned on the sofa, smiling back at his family “Sure, go ahead”

Mari was silent and Yurio looked angry. His mother glanced at his father, then back at him. That was when Yuuri noticed something was wrong.

“Mom? What is it?” Yuuri pressed on.

His mother sighed and straightened her back. “Yuuri, I’ll just go to the point alright? You remember your uncle?”

Yuuri nodded in response. His gut was telling him that something was going bad very soon.

”Stupid uncle!” grumbled Yurio. Mari was quick to slap his head and glared at the youngest sibling.

“Yes. He is… well… You know that he’s a gambling maniac. And we found out that he had left a… very big debt to someone and disappeared. Unfortunately, your uncle left our contacts to the person that he owed. Even if he’s like that, he’s still a family. And the person is pressing us to pay your uncle’s debt.

So your father decided to pay it and well… close the restaurant for a while…”

Yuuri already knew where this was going. But he stayed still as he heard his mother’s explanation.

“And Yuuri, dear, It’s a good thing that we had paid your school fees until you graduate, but we know that you have your dream… To become a doctor.”

He felt the bile came up on his throat, but he forced it down.

“And we are aware of how much that might cost too. Yuuri… we don’t want to limit your dreams, but we love you and we know that you prefer we tell you than giving false hopes. So I’m going to tell you dear…” His mother paused, hesitated to see her son’s reaction “You have to do your best for scholarship if you really want to be a doctor”

 

Yuuri let the explanation sank in. All the while his family stared at him with concern glances.

 _‘It’s fine, Yuuri. It’s fine. There’s still a scholarship’_ Yuuri assured himself.

Although there was one thing he knew. His teacher’s offer was too expensive for him now.

The papers of an additional Biology class that he brought from school now crumpled in his hand.

 

*******

 

Before the economy crisis, his family was well- off. Unfortunately, his uncle’s debt was so big that it made his father bankrupt.

And having three kids were certainly a pretty big responsibility. It was good, really, that Yuuri’s parents had paid Yurio’s, Yuuri’s, Mari’s school and college fees ahead.

However Yuuri knew that his father wasn’t a billionaire that could easily save money for Yurio’s high school and Yuuri’s dream for medical school.

But still, the feeling of regret formed in his heart.

If only Yuuri save up some of his money. If only he prepare for this kind of situation.

Yuuri shook his head _‘No! Don’t think about it! Just focus on getting that scholarship’_

 

When he was about to continue his study, a knock heard on his door.

“Katsudon! Dinner’s ready” Yurio slammed the door open, making Yuuri flinched at the loud sound.

 _‘Well at least he knocked’_ sighed Yuuri as he walked up to his little brother.

“I’m gonna go get Mom and Dad” mumbled Yurio.

Yuuri raised an eyebrow at that “Mom? Mom isn’t in the kitchen?”

“No, Mari cooked”

Yuuri nodded. He grabbed the younger’s shoulder and turned the boy gently to the dining room “You go ahead, I’ll go get Mom and Dad”

Yurio looked at his brother curiously, but too tired to ask for more. So he just shrugged and walked away.

 

It was a quick walk to his parent’s bedroom. Before Yuuri could knock, he heard the sounds of someone’s cries through the door.

His fist paused in hesitation. Should he stay and wait? Or just go?

Confused by what he should do and a little curious, Yuuri put down his hand slowly.

“I-I don’t know Toshiya… what should we do…” His mother’s sobs reached Yuuri’s ears.

“Calm down, dear. It’s fine. We can go through this together, remember?” A soothing voice tried to calm his mother. It was Toshiya, Yuuri’s father.

‘Go through’ what exactly, Yuuri wondered. However his mother’s next words told him the answer.

“But Toshiya… we’re going to run out of foods soon… and money too… your last paycheck barely covered our expenses… should I just find another work?” his mother said between hiccups.

“No no, your work in the laundry is good enough, Hiroko. I’ll find more work, okay? Calm down, take a deep breath…”

 

Yuuri quickly covered his mouth, holding the sobs that threatened to come out. He couldn’t bear to hear more of his parents’ conversation. He leaned back on the wall to support his trembling legs.

He quickly turned and headed to his bedroom.

Once he locked his bedroom door, the cry that he held back before finally flew out from his mouth in a painful sobs.

_‘So it turns this bad?’_

Now Yuuri realized, their family wasn’t on some usual family economic problem. It was just the start and it hadn’t even got worse.

_“We’re going to run out of foods soon”_

His mother’s words rang in his head.

Then the face of his little brother passed his mind.

 

The sobs that escaped his lips died down. Yuuri stood slowly and wiped his face. A newfound determination filled his mind. He couldn’t just sit and cry while his family needed him.

Yuuri would do something about it.

 

*******

 

**_Third year High School_ **

“Yuuri!”

Even without turning around, he already knew the owner of that cheerful voice. So Yuuri just continued on with the book that he read.

Victor pouted at being ignored. He glomped his best friend then whined loudly “Yuuriiii~”

Yuuri finally sighed and turned to face Victor. Victor could be such a child sometimes.

“Yes, Victor?”

“Yuuriiii, you left me to walk home by myself!”

A sheepish smile made its way to Yuuri’s lips “I’m sorry, I was in a rush. And it’s my day off and I want to study for math test tomorrow, so…”

“Don’t forget about me next time, alright?” said Victor as he flung himself on Yuuri’s bed.

“I won’t” Yuuri smiled apologetically.

 

“… Anyway Yuuri, Have you find your soulmate yet?”

Yuuri whipped his head to look at his best friend with wide eyes. It was such a random thing to say that Yuuri wondered if he heard the question right. “I’m sorry?”

Victor smiled and propped his chin on his hand “Have you find your soulmate, Yuuri?”

“I… no, I haven’t” Yuuri said hesitantly.

It hadn’t even crossed Yuuri’s mind in a long time, since a lot was happening in his family. With his school works, part-time job and more things, soulmate was the last thing Yuuri could think of. He simply didn’t have the time for that.

But then a thought appeared in his mind.

“Have you find yours, Victor?”

Yuuri held his breath, waiting for his best friend’s answer.

“I haven’t… Maybe because you haven’t confess to me Yuuri” answered Victor, a hint of teasing in his tone.

Blush washed over Yuuri’s face in a second. “W-what are you talking about, Victor!” Yuuri shouted with embarrassment. His hand flailed aimlessly, then accidentally threw the book in his grasp.

The book hit Victor right on his head.

“Ouch, Yuuriii! You’re so mean!”

“Oh my god! I’m so sorry”

Yuuri quickly rushed to Victor’s side, concerned if he hit Victor too hard.

The silver-haired boy let out a laugh at Yuuri’s panic state.

When he realized that Victor just teased him again, Yuuri laughed too.

Laughed at their ridiculous situation. And laughed in relief when he replayed his best friend’s answer that Victor indeed hadn’t found his soulmate.

 

*******

The family were having their dinner as usual, then the topic just came up.

“Yurio, in few months you’re going to enter high school. Do you have any idea where you want to go?” asked Toshiya kindly.

Yurio’s hands paused for a moment, then he answered “K High School”

“Ah, that’s a pretty good choice” his father replied.

However the unsaid matters hang in the air. Yuuri tensed when he heard his little brother’s answer.

K High School was a very prestigious high school. And an expensive one too. But without asking, Yuuri already knew why his brother chose that school.

Yurio had taken a big interest in basketball. K High School was very famous for their basketball team and certainly would gave Yurio a promising career in that field.

Of course, with Yurio’s talent and K High School famous background, professional coaches would easily flocked there. It was literally a start line to success in basketball career.

But the problem was the school fees.

With their family condition, K High School was out of their reach. Still, there was one thing that should be considered.

It was Yurio’s passion. His dream of becoming a professional basketball player. Just like Yuuri’s dream of becoming a doctor.

Yuuri glanced at the concern expression on his mother. Then to Mari’s bowed head.

Should Yuuri do this?

 

Today, in school, Yuuri had received a notice for scholarship program in medicine. All he had to do was write an essay and pass the written test.

Yuuri could try to get that scholarship. But he realized that when he moved from his house to the university dorm, his family would lack a source of income.

And with Yurio who was going to high school now, there were more expenses that they had to worry about regardless of his choice of school. Mari still had another two years too until she graduated college and got a higher pay job.

Should Yuuri do this?

 

His mind was a mess. That scholarship. The only way to reach his dream. He dreamed of becoming a doctor for years. He studied about everything that related to medical stuff and he loved it all.

Should Yuuri do this?

 

_“Mom, I want to be a doctor!”_

_“Oh great Yuuri! That’s a wonderful dream. Study hard and be a very kind doctor, okay?”_

_“Mom, I’m serious. I want to be a doctor. As in a surgeon.”_

_A determined glint light up in his son’s eyes. Hiroko smiled at her son._

_“I know, Yuuri. That’s your passion. Hold on to it. It’s one of the thing that will give you purpose in life”_

 

Should Yuuri do this? No…

Can Yuuri do this?

Yuuri glanced at his younger brother’s clenched fist.

“I’ll try to get some scholarship to get there” said Yurio, trying to appear nonchalantly. But Yuuri saw through the persona.

Because Yuuri had went through it. The feeling of desperation. Worry that he couldn’t get the scholarship after all. And wondering if his dream was a burden to the family.

Yuuri wouldn’t let his little brother felt the same as he was.

 

Can Yuuri do this?

Yes he can and he will.

“Don’t worry about the fees, Yurio. Just do your best.” Yuuri said with a smile.

Tomorrow, Yuuri would go to his teacher and decline the scholarship offer. He would let go of the extra class for university exam entrance and found more jobs.

Ah, there was also that story that Yuuri worked on since last year. Maybe he could bring that to publisher and sell it or something?

There were lots he could do to support his brother and the rest of his family.

But Yuuri wondered if there was anything he could do about the food that tasted so bitter on his tongue or the burn behind his eyes. Or the awfully empty feeling in his chest.

 

*******

 

By day, he studied and by night he worked part-time. The time in between Yuuri spent working on the manuscript that thankfully had been approved by a good publisher.

Yuuri sighed in relief when he stepped out of the café that he worked in. Not preparing for university entrance exam gave him more time to gather money for his family and Yurio’s school fees.

His brown eyes trailed up to the dark sky. Dark, just like his life.

His life seemed bleak now without passion, without purpose.

Maybe that scholarship offer still there.

 _‘NO!’_ Yuuri shook his head.

He had chosen to leave his dream. It was better this way. Yuuri just had to forget it, he knew he could.

“Why are you standing there?”

Yuuri turned and met the sight of the silver haired boy.

“Victor” called Yuuri with a smile.

However Victor knew better. He frowned at the sight of that empty smile. It was wrong. That smile didn’t fit the beautiful Yuuri.

Victor waited until Yuuri reached him then he proceeded to hold Yuuri’s hand.

They walked side by side in silence.

 

“Yuuri…” Victor glanced at the boy beside him before he continued “Are you sure you’re not going to get a scholarship?”

“…Yes, Victor. I won’t” answered Yuuri shortly.

“But… you want to be a doctor, right?”

Yuuri turned his face away from Victor “I don’t anymore.”

It hurt for Yuuri to lie about this. So he hoped Victor would just stop talking and forgot about it too.

“But Yuuri, there’s no way you lose interest just like that. You said you really want to be a doctor! You said it’s your dream” Victor urged. After all Victor missed the way Yuuri’s eyes lightened up when he talked about his passion.

“Well, it’s just a little kid dream, Victor. I don’t want that anymore.” Yuuri said, gritting his teeth. _‘Shut up! Don’t talk anymore!’_

“Yuuri, it might seem hard now, but if you try hard enough I’m sure you can overcome this. You have to think about this more”

How dare Victor talked like he understood Yuuri’s situation! Yuuri thought about it all night long before he told his decision to his teacher. He thought about it again when his teacher gave him more time to think.

Oblivious to the raging emotion in Yuuri, Victor continued “You can’t just walk away and forget your dream, Yuuri. You-“

 

“You think I don’t know about that?!!” Yuuri finally shouted furiously as he shook off Victor’s hand.

Victor stayed still in shock. This was the first time Yuuri raised his voice at his friend.

But Yuuri didn’t even care how loud he screamed as he continued “You don’t have to lecture me!! I know what I’m doing! I know that I could never forget my dream and just move on with my life! I know all of that!”

Victor didn’t have to rub it all on his face, he knew. Yuuri knew that how many times he told himself that he would just forget, he couldn’t. Yuuri realized from a long time ago that this wasn’t just a little kid’s dream.

“I-I knew that it’s going to be hurts, Victor… I knew...” Tears of frustration dripping down his face. Yuuri suddenly felt so weak. Like all his energy had fell down the drain. “B-but I have to do this… but I never knew that letting go of my dream could be this hard…” he sobbed quietly.

 

Slowly, Victor took his friend into his arms and let the boy cried it all out. “Please don’t cry, Yuuri. I cannot bear to see you cry. It hurts me too” Victor said, his arms tightened on Yuuri’s waist.

They stayed like that. The sounds of Yuuri’s cries filled the empty streets.

Yuuri clenched Victor’s shirt in his hand. The sobs finally died down to hiccups.

“W-why do you care so much? You should spare your time for something better like studying for university… rather than hear my complaints, like this...” said Yuuri softly.

When he heard no answer, Yuuri lifted up his head, only to find Victor looking back at him.

“There’s nothing better than being with you here” Victor said with such a gentle smile that Yuuri almost melted.

The nerve of this guy, teasing Yuuri after he just bawled his eyes out. “Stop saying things like that. Save those pick-up lines for your soulmate”

A hand gripped his chin. “I wish you are my soulmate”

Yuuri sighed and tried to pull himself out of Victor’s grip, but Victor wouldn’t let him go.

“Victor, come on, this is no time for joke”

 

Several seconds passed as they stared at each other. Finally Victor loosened his grip.

“Yes, you’re right. This is not the time for joke anymore” whispered Victor.

Yuuri ignored the disappointment in his chest when he heard his friend’s reply.

But then Victor straightened his back and held Yuuri’s hands tightly. Victor said firmly, “I’m not going to joke about it anymore, Yuuri. That’s why hear me out, I mean every word that I’m going to say right now”.

Yuuri was confused by the sudden change of mood, but he kept his silence patiently. He watched as his friend took a deep breath and opened his mouth.

“ _Solnyshko_ ” It was just one word that Yuuri didn’t even know the meaning of, but strangely his chest felt lighter.

“I’m in love with you”

As soon as those words escaped Victor’s mouth, a faint light came from both of their chests.

Yuuri watched in amazement at the innocent light. Light that got brighter and brighter. For a second it blinded them.

And suddenly it was gone.

But there was no mistaken the feeling of happiness that filled Yuuri’s chest. It was like his dilemmas were gone in that moment. He felt content.

When he looked at Victor. He knew Victor could feel it too.

 

Victor gazed at the brown eyes of his friend, now his soulmate, with wide eyes.

They were soulmate.

Victor was right. This wasn’t the time for joke anymore.

Victor told him his feeling, it was only right that Yuuri should be honest to Victor too.

“I-I love you too, Victor… for a long time”

 

*******

 

**_4 years later_ **

Since Victor’s confession, every day had been more bearable for Yuuri. His dream that used to haunt him, now was just a memory of his efforts and struggles. Yuuri would never forget those days.

However he now found another passion. A little fire that he originally thought only as hobby. But in fact proved itself as a precious gift.

There was a sound of message from his phone and Yuuri quickly took it.

He raised an eyebrow as he realized that there were actually more messages that he didn’t aware of before. One from Yurio telling him about his upcoming basketball league. One from Victor telling him that he would get home soon. And one from his editor telling him about some magazine interview.

Yes, editor. Yuuri had made a living out of his hobby with writing. And bit by bit, it turned into a passion. A catalyst to put his tangled mess of a brain and emotions into something.

Victor and of course, his family had supported him through it all.

Two years after he signed a contract with a publisher, one of his books had hit an extreme popularity and Yuuri couldn’t be happier to give what his little brother needed.

With Mari out of college and started to work, Yuuri could breathe a little easier and decided (persuaded by Victor) to live together in Victor’s penthouse.

He had went through hell and survived it. No matter how Yuuri thought about it, he knew that Victor’s confession, no, Victor’s love had saved him.

It had pulled him from his despair and gave him the necessary strength to move on.

 

Yuuri smiled at the memory of Victor’s confession while typing a reply to all the messages.

 _‘Ah!’_ He almost forgot. Tomorrow, Victor was going on a business trip to Russia for a few days. Since Victor was a forgetful person, if he pack by himself, it was going to be a disaster. So Yuuri had volunteered to help him pack his things.

He guessed he should start now before Victor came home and distracted him.

 

A while later, Victor entered their penthouse.

“Yuuriiiii~ I’m home” He looked around for his beautiful fiancée.

When Victor didn’t find him in the living room, he walked up to their bedroom.

 _‘There you go’_ he thought as he watched Yuuri’s sleeping figure on the bed, with his face pressed on the laptop and earphone on. It seemed that Yuuri had fallen asleep while writing, again.

Victor smiled fondly at the sight. His Yuuri, his beautiful soulmate. “What would I do without you?” whispered Victor as his fingers gently brushed the bangs away from his soulmate’s face.

Victor glanced at the earphone. Slowly he pulled it off from Yuuri and put it on his own ear. _‘Hmm, it’s the tenth time he fell asleep with this song. You surely like this song, aren’t you?’_ he chuckled.

Yuuri stirred from his sleep and blinked slowly. “Victor…?”

“Yes love, I’m here” answered Victor, letting go of the earphone.

Yuuri opened his arms, half asleep while he mumbled “Come here”

It was so adorable and Victor couldn’t stop the heart shape smiled from his lips. He quickly jumped on the bed then hugged his soulmate tightly. “Yuuriii~”

“Victoooorrr” said Yuuri unconsciously, rubbing his cheek on Victor’s cheek.

 _‘Oh my, so cuutee~’_ squealed Victor. Half- asleep Yuuri was the best, really!

“Victoorrr, where’s my song?”

Victor stared in confusion “What song, love?”

“The Fight Song on my earphone… I wanna sleep with that” Yuuri mumbled sleepily.

“Ah that song. You really like that song, huh?”

“… yes it reminds me of you… and me”

“And why is that?” asked Victor curiously.

“Well… when you confessed to me, you saved me… You knew the lyrics right? ‘Like how a single word can make a heart open~’“ Victor chuckled at Yuuri’s half-awake effort to sing, but Yuuri continued his babbling,

“It’s actually not a single word in my case… but the moment you said that you’re in love with me, and… the light came… don’t you think it’s funny how fitting our soulmate thing is with that song? …my heart opened for you, you get that… right?”

Yuuri yawned loudly in the end.

Victor’s gaze softened at the answer and his smile couldn’t get any wider “I get it, love. But next time don’t sleep with earphone on, okay? It’s not good for your ear” he scolded the half-asleep man.

There was a small whine, before Yuuri let out another mumble.

 

“Victor?”

“Yes?”

Victor watched as the eyelids slowly lifted up to reveal the beautiful brown eyes that he loved so much.

“Come back home quickly, okay?” said Yuuri warmly.

Victor stared at his soulmate, the sight of his sleepy Yuuri and the sound of that soft voice instilled permanently in Victor’s brain.

“I will come back as soon as I can, _solnyshko._ I promise”

 

*******

 

No. It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

Everything was alright a few hours ago. Victor was alright a few hours ago.

How could this happen?

This was nightmare.

 

The glass fell out of his grip and shattered on the floor.

“B-but he promised me… he promised he will come back soon… Mom, this isn’t happening right?” Yuuri stared pleadingly at his mother.

Then he turned his gaze to Yurio “right, Yurio? It’s fake news right?”

Yurio turned his eyes away from Yuuri. He couldn’t see his brother like this. It broke his heart. But it would be crueller if he gave Yuuri false hope.

Yurio came with his mother, determined to support his brother after all that Yuuri had done for him.

So he steeled his heart and looked back at Yuuri,

“No, Yuuri. It’s real. The plane Victor was in had fallen into the sea. No survivor to be found. I’m sorry… but he is as good as dead”

 

Yuuri eyes’ widened even more. His face paled as the fact dawned on him.

His eyes trailed to the large photograph on the wall across from him. The face of his soulmate smiled down at him.

A lone tear dripped down his cheek. Followed by another then another more. Yuuri covered his face as he let out a heart-wrenching sobs.

Hiroko quickly went to her son’s side, all the while trying her best to hold back her sadness.

“Yuuri dear, don’t cry please, don’t cry…” she said softly as she rubbed her son’s back.

_“Please don’t cry, Yuuri. I cannot bear to see you cry. It hurts me too”_

The voice of his soulmate still rang clear in his mind. Yuuri clenched his chest, trying to make the intense pain in it go away.

“H-he promised, Mom… V-victor promised t-to come b-back as soon as… he can… he n-never lie to me…”

The pain was unbearable. And the hollow feeling that came after was even worse. No matter how hard he clawed at his chest, it was still there.

He had lost his dream, but Victor saved him. Now that he lost his saviour, his soulmate, the last of his dwindling hope, no one could save him anymore. He was alone.

Yuuri was alone.

For the first time in years, Yuuri felt the bottomless pit of despair ate him up completely. And he didn’t have any more energy to fight back against it.

 

*******

 

**_8 months later_ **

Yurio swiftly stood up when he heard a crash. The sound came from the second floor _‘Yuuri!’_

Thank God for his training, Yurio reached Yuuri’s bedroom in record time. He slammed the door open to find his brother sprawled on the floor beside a broken plate.

“Yuuri!” he helped Yuuri to the bed and checked if he got any injury “Are you okay?”

Yuuri smiled weakly “I’m fine, Yurio. Just a little dizzy, I’m sorry I made a mess” he gestured to the spilled spaghetti on the carpeted floor.

However, Yurio just hugged his brother tightly “Fuck Yuuri. I don’t care about that stupid mess!” he said softly, so out of character for someone like Yurio.

Living with his brother had certainly smoothed out the rough edge in him. Yurio sighed “Katsudon, you can’t keep this up. You have to move on”

Yuuri didn’t say anything and just returned his brother’s embrace.

 

Honestly, Yurio didn’t know what to do.

Even though Yuuri wasn’t his blood-related brother, but Yuuri was still precious to him. The man supported his passion when everyone doubted it.

So when Yuuri was in a bad situation, of course Yurio wanted to support him with all his might.

That was why when the news of Victor’s dead hit Yuuri hard, Yurio visited his brother every day.

In the first few months, Yuuri wouldn’t even get up from bed. Even when their family tried to persuade him to go back to their house, Yuuri insisted on staying in the penthouse.

One thing that concerned Yurio was every time he came for a visit, Yuuri looked thinner and paler. That was the main reason he moved in his with his brother to the penthouse.

 

Yurio pulled back and brushed Yuuri’s hair back. _‘At least, he looked better these days’_

Suddenly the doorbell started to ring. Yurio cursed in annoyance as he started to get up and headed to door.

Leaving Yuuri by himself.

 _‘Alone again’_ thought Yuuri sadly.

Yuuri stared at the sky through the window of his bedroom.

He used to love staring at the sky. It was so blue. But Yuuri had found a more beautiful blue than the sky, so it didn’t amazed him anymore.

_“Which of my body parts that you like the most, Yuuri?”_

_“Why are you asking that? So embarrassing…” Yuuri said with a blush on his face while pushing Victor’s face away._

_“Aww, don’t be like that~ come on, tell me Yuurriii” whined Victor._

_Yuuri cleared his throat then mumbled “… Your eyes”_

_“My eyes?”_

_“Yes, I love how beautiful it is…”_

_Victor stunned at his soulmate boldness. But then his mouth curved into mischievous smirk “How about ‘that’ body part?” said Victor with a wink._

_Yuuri’s face turned even redder that he was sure he looked like a tomato. But before he could say anything, a pillow was thrown from across the room and landed hard on Victor’s face._

_“In case you guys forgot, I’m still here, you pervert bastard” hissed Mari at Victor with a vicious glare “Ugh- you guys gave me nightmare”_

_Victor got up and laughed at Mari’s reaction._

Yuuri could still imagine Victor’s laughter in his ear. The way he winked at Yuuri. His teasing voice. The whispered words of love.

His eyes were burning again. But Yuuri didn’t care anymore.

The tears could spill for all he cared. He was already numb anyway. There wasn’t any feeling left with every drop that fell down.

 

“WHAT THE FUCK?!”

The scream cut off his line of thoughts. It was Yurio’s voice. Well, Yurio cursed to every person, except their parents, so Yuuri just ignored it and continued to stare blankly at the sky.

As Yuuri steadily let himself lost into a dazed state, he didn’t hear the sounds of footsteps walked to his bedroom. He didn’t even hear the sound of the door opened. Nor the sound of his name from Yurio.

But there was a voice that pulled him from obliviousness.

At first he heard it softly. And Yuuri thought that his mind was pretty cruel. Making this kind of delusion. Delusion that he gladly drowned himself in.

 

**_Like a small boat_ **

**_On the ocean_ **

But then he heard it the second time. His eyes snapped open when he realized that the voice was in fact wasn’t a delusion. It was very much real.

Yuuri turned slowly, frightened that whatever was happening right now would shattered and left him with another false hope.

**_Sending big waves_ **

**_Into motion_ **

And came a feeling of disbelief when his eyes fell upon the sight that he thought he could never see anymore. The brown eyes met blue.

“Solnyshko”

**_Like how a single word_ **

**_Can make a heart open_ **

The silver haired and the heart-shaped smile. It was all real.

Yuuri covered his mouth in shock, as tears ran down his cheeks. But this time it wasn’t despair tears. Nor a frustrated tears.

**_I might only have one match_ **

Yuuri cried out the longing and love that he held in these few painful months.

He did it. Even though he took a bit longer.

Victor kept his promise.

**_But I can make an explosion_ **

“I told you I will come back as soon as possible, did I?”

**Author's Note:**

> Hello lovely readers~  
> This is my first Yuri On Ice fan fiction, so greetings to all Yuri On Ice fans!  
> As i wrote on the first note, that this story in inspired by a drawing from sidhedraws on Tumblr and i'm going to post it on my Instagram: el.author  
> The drawing is so beautiful, and when i saw it i felt sad. I don't know why it's just tugged at my heart and at that time i thought that i really want to make a story related to the drawing and the song in the drawing.  
> Yes, it's Fight Song by Rachel Platten.  
> And the title 'Keeping My Flame Alive' meaning how Yuuri survived through all his problems and kept his will, that i referred as Flame, to live on.  
> So, that's all i wanted to say, ask me anything you want and see you on the next story!


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